Submissive's Soul

Feelings rise from within me, new, yet somehow familiar, frustration, sadness, depression, as parts of my ever-growing need to serve emerge and seem to overwhelm me. Each day it seems harder and harder to fight them back. i must or i might find myself willingly settling for what seems only available to me. It seems an almost endless wait for what is to be. A fear of what may never be lies beneath them all waiting to encircle me. It is hard to keep faith when the road before me seems so desolate and empty of anything remotely resembling all those dreams and desires, on this private journey i have begun. In my heart i know, beyond any doubt or question, that to just settle is a mortal sin against myself, i will not lend this fuel to the fires of failure to rise against any bond between two spirits. Instead, each day, my thoughts reflect my needs, my desires, my dreams and hopes from within the realm of this life and the spirit i have freed to discover them.

Sometimes i wonder what i might gain and what i will receive from such total and absolute submission to One. Words pale compared to who i am and what my submission is about. It is not so much a matter of `what i will get`, as it is a sense of what i know i need. It is quite simply who i truly am. i, in no, way wish to generalize my needs. They are as unique to me alone as the experiences of my life. In the end it would merely all lead back to the center of what completes me as a submissive.

Thoughts of Master surge through my mind. Not any Master. MY Master. Whose ideals, wants, desires, needs, and emotions, mate with mine in such perfect harmony that one would be hard pressed to detect when His footsteps end and mine begin. What would my submission to such a Master bring to my life? It is a world where each day, he shows me by actions and words, the fact that my faith, trust, and respect in Him, was not only inevitable, but also justly given, felt and cherished. Within His ownership of me, i would receive His strength, His honesty, and His firm, strict ruling, as well as, His compassion, His love, His affection. i would receive a Master who will be patient as i am learning, encouraging as i am stumbling, guiding as i follow the path of his pleasure. Within my submission to His ownership of me, what do i hope to gain? i hope to gain a Master with the true essence of one who is in control of Himself totally, thus able to control me with a fairness and compassion that is unique. Rare and comforting, allowing me to be as i am, yet growing better, to be who He wants me to be. His pleasure grows from teaching me, leading me, and guiding me to the fulfillment of knowledge of how to truly and totally serve Him. His needs, His wants, His pleasures would become my purpose in His life. i would gain a best friend, protector, a disciplinarian when needed, to set me back on track, should i stumble. i would gain a sense of purpose, a sense of reasoning to my inner feelings and desires. He would instill in me, a sense of pride, not merely self-pride, but rather, a pride joined together in who He is and who i am, as His property. i would gain a calming of the soul, and a removal of my inhibitions. i would gain a completion to who i am, still dynamic, changing, learning, growing and always moving forward. My submission is not a means to an end to revel in my own gains, but rather the essence of who i am and will be, given with great value to Him. My submission is not a gift to Him, but rather the piece that fits within His Dominance to complete each other. The one who will own me will receive my complete submission. My trust and trustworthiness, my respect and my pride in who He is and my belonging to Him. He would receive my hopes, my fears, my needs, and my fantasies for Him to use, to cast away, and to feed upon, for His enjoyment, His pleasure, His desires.

He will receive a servant content to live a daily existence of tending to His pleasure. A slut who would be open, vulnerable, wet, and ready at all times for His use. He would receive my humility, my self-pride, my love, devotion, loyalty, my flesh, my mind, and my soul. The essence of who i am, totally joined to His own. To Him, i would give of myself so completely that there would be no part of my flesh, my mind, and my soul that has not been touched and used by Him. He would receive all my secrets, all my mistakes, and all my achievements, all of myself and who i am. He would receive the first breath i breathe when waking and the last sigh i breathe as i fall asleep, everything in between, everything conscience, and everything unconscious. i would live safely, in a world of His pleasures, immersed in total contentment and love